Birthday Blues
by Angel Dove1
Summary: It's Seto's birthday again and he's dreading the day. Now alone and regretting pushing everyone away, Seto finally gave up. Will a certain blond be able to bring him back to life or will Seto take the final step in his depression? M/M Warnings inside


I do not own Yu-gi-oh or any of the characters.

This is a oneshot in honor of beloved Seto Kaiba's birthday. Happy birthday, Seto! A fair warning to everyone. Seto will seem out of character for most of the story only because everything is told through his point of view. However, I believe that anyone feeling as lonely as he is, would act the same way whether they are strong willed or not.

Warnings: Yes this is a Yaoi (MalexMale) if you don't like it please don't read it. No flames. You have been warned.

Second Warning: Suicidal thoughts and language

Timeframe: It is ten years after Seto graduated high school.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The horrible bang noise would have shocked me if it weren't for the fact that I felt my head falling to the desk. I sighed, waiting for the pain to radiate through my body, but my heart wasn't focusing. Or, could it be my head? I sighed at the forgotten paperwork at the desk. What was the point any longer? The company didn't need me to run itself. All I was good for was cleaning up messes and making the difficult decisions. I shifted my gaze to stare out the setting sun of another day. Tomorrow was that despicable day. I reached up and tore the twenty-five page out of my flipping calendar. I crinkled it up and threw it across the room. I had no meetings scheduled for that day. My secretary thought I was attempting to make an easy day at work for myself, but in reality, I wasn't showing up. I hated working on my birthday. Hearing all those half hearted and forced happy birthdays from people that felt obligated to say those frivolous words.

I slouched in my chair with a sigh. I'd settle for a happy birthday if I had someone special to say those words to. Mokuba used to be enough, but my baby brother wasn't little anymore. I stared at the picture of Mokuba and his wife. He no longer relied on me. In fact, I don't remember the last time he called. Mokuba was busy, running the American branch, but for the first month of his marriage he found time to call. Now I'm lucky if I get an email from him. I'm sure he's forgotten my birthday like last year.

He was right. I should have found someone special by now. I despised all those bitches that were after my fame or money. How is it possible to find a person that would love me for me? Not my name. Not my money. The real me behind the mask. Something wet slid down my check. I placed my hand to it and looked at my wet fingers. Tears? I shook my head and tightly shut my eyes, willing the excess moisture to return where it came from. There was no reason for the tears. I have all the power and money I've ever wanted. I'm creating things to bring smiles to all the children of the world. My little brother is happily married and trying for a child of his own. Who am I kidding? I'm a selfish person. Even with all that, I crave the warmth of someone holding me. I don't want sex. I just want someone telling me for once that everything will be okay. Someone that would let me scream my anger until it eases from my heart. Someone to let me cry out all the years of built up tears.

Frustrated, I slammed my hands down on the desk. I couldn't believe where my thoughts traveled. I rose quickly, watching my chair crash with the wall. I didn't care what my office looked like. No one would judge me to my face. No one dared. I grabbed my briefcase that sat at the corner of my desk and walked out of the office. The hallways were dark and abandoned. Thankfully no one started to line my secretary's desk with cards and gifts yet. I got in my private elevator and road it all the way down to the garage. My white sports car was the only vehicle left in the lot.

I unlocked the car and set the briefcase on the seat beside me. I remembered the day that I bought this car. Mokuba teased me about another white vehicle and that I should start thinking of other colors than white and blue. Maybe he was right. I should've traded that car in for a black one. My limousines were black, but I hardly used them now. I drove myself everyone except if I was going to the airport. Roland hated that, but I dismissed most of my security a year ago. I would have rid myself of them completely if it weren't for the fact that I'd feel terrible leaving Mokuba in this world alone. If someone wanted to kill me, they could. I wasn't stopping them anymore.

I started the car and drove out of Kaiba Corp. The traffic was light for nine o'clock. It didn't matter. I procrastinated going home to that empty mansion. Maybe it was time I sold it and moved into an apartment. I didn't use most of the rooms anymore. I didn't even bother having my staff. It was pointless paying a chef to make meals only for me if I manage to get home in time for dinner. I cleaned my own room and bathroom which were the only rooms I used. I sighed and pushed the button connected to my car. The first gate flew opened and I reached out to type the password into the computer attached to the wall. The second gate opened. I drove the car up the driveway and directly into garage.

I locked everything up and walked along the front lawn. The grass needed cut, but I didn't want anyone near me lately. Unlocking the front door to the dark house, I set my briefcase down by the door. "I'm home, dust bunnies," I shouted to the empty house, hearing my voice echoing. Slouching my shoulders and finally letting my mask fall, I moved up to my room. It was still early for me, but my body felt exhausted. I landed face first into my pillow, not bothering to undress or take my shoes off. I hated feeing this way and I hated my life. I rolled to my side and stared at half the room. I wonder if tonight someone would grant me the blessing of death.

Realizing that was too much to hope for, I sat up and removed most of my clothes. I reached for the robe that I hung over the side of my headrest and walked downstairs. The floors were cold, but I didn't bother getting my slippers. I walked into the living room, seeing the evening addition to the newspaper. Roland must have came by. I folded the paper open and glanced at the top headline with a frown. "No heir to Kaiba Corporation." I sat down on the leather chair and read further. "Sources claim that there is no hope for an heir to the Kaiba Corporation. As another birthday comes and goes for the infamous Seto Kaiba, people have to wonder if he's capable of producing an heir or would he rely on his younger brother, Mokuba, to produce a child with his wife, Mina." I tossed the paper across the room, watching as it fell apart and each piece landed on the floor or the furniture.

What do they know? I could have a child if I wanted to. I'd just let one of the bitches have sex with me. It's not rocket science. That's all it would be, sex, not love. I didn't want sex. Hell, that's the whole reason why I was still a virgin. If I wanted sex, I could get it at any time. I craved love. Love that I knew was never happening after my parents died, and I had to take care of Mokuba. Even though Mokuba is old enough to take care of himself, I've lost my chance of finding love. No one is willing to know the real me. They all know I'm nothing but an iceberg. Who would want someone that couldn't show emotions and was cruel to everyone? I pulled my legs up and hugged them. Was that really me?

I don't know how long I sat there staring at the random walls to my living room. I don't even remember what I was thinking about all night. The next time I came to my awareness, the sun was up, lighting everything in the living room. I unfolded my sore legs and moved about the room cleaning up the scattered newspaper. I placed it together and folded it neatly on the table. "Happy birthday, me," I mumbled.

I moved up the stairs and into the room Mokuba used to call his. It was still decorated the same with all his childhood memories. I moved my fingers along the dusty teddy bears that now sat on his bed instead of lining the floor or the shelves. I smiled and sat on the bed, remembering all the times I was frustrated with him not going to sleep on time, not brushing is teeth before going to bed, or asking him to read him a bedtime story. I moved towards the drawer that I kept the cleaning supplies in now. Carefully dusting everything off, I cleaning Mokuba's room. Once finished, I leaned against the vacuum.

I was about to push the vacuum into the closet when I heard the doorbell ring. I moved towards the com near Mokuba's door. "Who's there?"

"Delivery for Mr. Kaiba."

Maybe Mokuba remembered after all. "Come to the front door." I held the button down to open the gates. I moved downstairs, forgetting that I was only in a pair of boxers and the robe was loosely wrapped around me. I opened the door and came face to face with a bouquet of flowers, blocking the delivery man's face. I frowned. Mokuba wouldn't send me flowers. The flowers dropped and I stared into honey eyes. "Jounouchi?"

"This is from your secretary. I didn't know today was your birthday." Jounouchi stopped speaking suddenly. "Are you okay?"

I flinched and pulled the robe tightly around myself. "I'm fine."

Something flashed in his eyes. Was that concern? How could that be possible? We were enemies in high school. "Have you been eating right?"

"What do you care? Is this part of your job?" I backed into the mansion and slammed the door in his face, not bothering to take the flowers. I was embarrassed that he saw the damage my depression was doing to my body.

The door slammed opened and Jounouchi set the flowers down on the table. He grabbed my arm before I could even react and pulled me to the first door by the door which was the living room. He moved the robe slightly off me and placed his hands over where he could see my ribs. "What do you think you're doing?"

"How long has it been since you last ate?" he asked softly, looking up at me with sorrowful eyes. I hated that look.

I tried to move away from him, but he kept me firm. "I don't need to explain myself to you. You've done your job now get off my property."

"I'm doing my second job. Mokuba called Yugi a couple days ago after not being able to get in contact with you. He said he saw you during your press conference and you looked a bit off. He asked Yugi to see how you were doing, but Yugi is in Egypt with Atemu right now. Yugi called me and I agreed to go since I had an order going to your address anyway. I would say that your brother knows what he's talking about. You look terrible."

I glared at him and tried to pull my arm away. "Then go tell my brother that I'm fine and leave me alone."

"Why are you doing thing to yourself?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Killing yourself slowly. The house looks just as dead as you do. What has happened to you?"

"Like I said. I don't need to tell you anything," I growled, not wanting Jounouchi of all people to know my secret. I'm sure Mokuba would be on the first plane back to Domino if he found out everything that I've been doing. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't ruin his happiness.

Jounouchi wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his warm chest. The motion shocked me. I couldn't believe that he would do something spontaneous. My own bodily reactions stunned me more. I felt comfortable, and the craving for his warmth intensified. Jounouchi walked me over to the couch and sat down. He pulled me back into his arms, and I lied my head down on his chest. His fingers ran down my spine. The action caused my body to relax. This is what I craved the most. I could hear his steady heartbeat. "How did you?"

"Know that you wanted to be held? You may be excellent about hiding your emotions on normal days but not today. I've never known you to be this emotional. Are you going to talk to me honestly?"

I snuggled closer into his chest. I never thought that I could be this comfortable with someone I used to hate. Maybe it could be the fact that he was the first one to notice me. I stared at the nearest wall. "What would you like me to say?"

"Anything you want or answer my question honestly."

I sighed. Why would he care this much about me? I don't know what made me start talking to him, but as every word slipped pass my lips, I felt slowly better. "I don't know why it started or when, but work became less important. I had no desire to make anything of myself. Mokuba moved on. The company was running successfully. I slowly lost the urge to sleep. Food became an enemy. I lost the anger and most of my emotions until a few weeks ago. What is left for me?"

Jou ran his fingers along my back, never once interrupting my ranting. "I never thought I would regret anything in my life. Who wouldn't want my life? I can afford anything I desire and seeing the children smiling makes me know that I've accomplish something magnificent in my life. Why do I have this craving to have someone by my side? If I needed sex, I could pay for it, but that is not what I crave." I glanced up at Jounouchi. "What am I missing?"

"Love," Jounouchi whispered. "You don't want to pay for sex because that's just what it is, sex. You want someone to make love to you. To make you feel pleasure that would rival anything felt before. You want to reach the heavens and feel like your dying only to live again. You've been emotionally deprived your entire life. Any normal person would want to know what it feels like to truly be loved, wanted, and needed. However, you don't want it just from anyone. You want it from someone you truly love. You need to find that person and confess the feelings you have because I'm sure you know who that person is."

I frowned and thought for a long time. Jounouchi continued stroking my sore back muscles, not interrupting me. All the fans annoyed me whether they were men or women. I ran my fingers along Jounouchi's chest. I can't lie and say that I'm not attracted to him. Even after all these years he still makes me feel alive. Could that be what love felt like? I felt like a child and it infuriated me. What person doesn't know what love feels like? "Jounouchi, what does love feel like?"

His eyes didn't mock me, and I felt oddly connected to him. "For years I asked myself the same question. I don't remember what it felt like to have a family and love. I spent years living with my depressed alcoholic father. My mother never cared to check on me. My sister relied on me in her times of need, but that was a bond. Honestly, I don't know how to answer that question. I do see Yugi and Atemu when they are in love. Yugi once told me it's like a strong force that draws you to that individual."

I stared at him in disbelief for a few minutes. Not only did he answer me honestly, but he didn't think different of me. "I want to know what that feels like. Will you show me?"

"Are you confessing to me, Seto Kaiba?" I frowned and pulled away from him. I knew no one would love me. I was about to disappear to the shadows of my house when I felt a pull on my arm. "I'm sorry. I was trying to make you smile." He rose from the couch and pulled me back into his arms. I stared down at his smaller form, not sure what he was doing. He closed his honey eyes and moved slightly upward. My heart rate increased dramatically. I felt an odd stirring in my stomach much like when I grew excited about something. My blood boiled and every thought in my mind erased as he closed the distance and kissed me gently on the lips. His lips felt soft and smooth, dancing against mine. I mimic the motion and allowed myself to feel the sensations. The fluttering in my stomach increased as he placed one hand on my waist and the other moved to my head. He intertwined his fingers with my hair, massaging my scalp gently.

We broke apart after a few minutes. My breathing increased and the craving for more bombarded my senses. Jounouchi moved slightly away from my body. I shivered to the lack of heat and feared that he was going to walk away. "I've been wanting to do that for awhile. You may think you are a horrible person, but there are people out there that think you are a fallen angel. You've lived a long life filled with neglect and stress. It's time you received something that you want. Tell me, Kaiba. If you had one wish that would be granted, what would you chose?"

I didn't need to think before I responded. It felt natural. "Make love to me," I answered quickly.

"Would that be the only thing you wanted?"

"Forever," I added. "Never leave my side. Love me forever. I don't want to be alone anymore."

Jounouchi moved back into my arms and lied his head down on my shoulder. We swayed to a silent sonnet. I finally felt complete. The missing piece to the puzzle was within my grasp, and I was finally granted that solution I craved for. "Don't you have work?" I asked. I didn't want him to lose his job because of me.

"That was my last stop of the day."

"Already?"

Jonouchi chuckled. "I work very early arranging the orders and then go out on deliveries last. I left your address for the end. I wanted to talk to you." He moved away from me and pulled on my hand.

I walked with him, curious on his intentions. "Where are we going?"

"To your bedroom." I stopped. He smiled softly at me. "Don't you want your birthday wish." I glanced away from him and frowned. It felt wrong to do that when we just confessed to each other. I didn't want it be pitiful. Fear and anguish clouded my judgment. Jounouchi moved in front of my vision. "I'll take it slow. I know you must be scared. I promise, this will not be a one time thing."

I shifted my feet and walked up the long stairway. "You've done this before." I felt ridiculous being the age I was and having zero experience in bed.

"With people I didn't love like I love you."

I didn't want to know who he was with previous. I don't know if I would react with jealousy over not being his first or feel inferior with the fact that he was more experienced than I was. I opened the door to my room. Jounouchi squeezed my hand and pulled me towards the bed. I was nervous and could feel my body quivering. He sat down on my bed and coaxed me into doing the same. He placed his warm hand on my cheek. "Your room looks as dead as your eyes."

I blinked and pulled his hand down. "Do I really look that hideous."

"Not hideous. You look dead inside. You're still beautiful it's just your eyes are a dull color. It's like there is no will or life behind the color. I'm going to make those beautiful sapphires sparkle again." Jounouchi stood and gently pushed me down on the bed. My head collided with the soft pillow. He knelt beside me. "You control everything. I will go at your pace and will stop if it becomes too much. But before we get started I need to find some things. Do you have lubricate?" I frowned and stared up at the ceiling before shaking my head. I've never bothered owning something like that. "Condoms?" I shifted away and started to get up. This wouldn't work. Jounouchi pushed me down on the bed again and stared at me right in the eyes. "It's okay. Condoms are not a problem. I have one for myself. You would have to bottom then."

"I wasn't planning on being on top."

"Are you sure? It's going to be a little painful for your first time, but I'll try my best to ease the pain." I nodded. "Okay. Where is your bathroom?"

"The door by the dresser," I said, pointing to the closed door.

"Make yourself comfortable." Jounouchi was off the bed quickly and into my bathroom. I could hear him opening the drawers and doors looking for something. I sat back up and glanced at the door. My nerves were preventing me from becoming comfortable. I didn't know what I was doing, and I feared that I would disappoint Jounouchi. Doubt entered my mind. Why would he want to be with someone like me? I spent most of my life pushing people away. I never showed love to anyone but my brother. I don't know what it feels like to truly be loved. I don't remember my parents and Gozaburo only wanted me as an heir to his name. Women would throw themselves at my feet, but none of them truly loved me. They didn't even know the real me. I frowned, wondering why Jounouchi still found me attractive even after noticing everything that I lacked.

I felt a hand gently touched my shoulder. I glanced up at the honey eyes. "Why?" I asked.

Jounouchi smiled and sat down next to me. "Because you are the one I've been looking for. You may be hard to figure out and shy about personal contact, but you still are perfect the way you are."

I finally smiled. He did notice the things I was hiding. "How did you know?"

"I can spot someone that's been neglected. I know the signs. I remembered doing them myself before I found Honda and Yugi." He pushed me back down on the bed and knelt beside me again. "I see a twinkle. Let's see if I can bring more of your fire back out." He leaned down and sealed our lips together again, erasing every thought inside of my mind for the second time that day.

I've never felt anything like the first night I spent with Jounouchi. The way his fingers glided across my body sent shivers through my skin. There are no words to describe the pleasure I felt. He spent hours convincing my body to relax. The only thing I remember vitally was when he was preparing me. I couldn't tell you how many times he asked me to relax. The odd feeling of his slick fingers inside of me was enough to cause my body to stiffen. I didn't like the feeling, and it felt painful the more I became uncomfortable. Even through the pain, I never let him stop. He told me that once I was relaxed I'd feel the pleasure, but how could you convince your body to relax when it was in pain? I didn't know what he touched at first inside of me, but it sent a spike of pleasure through my sensations and I found myself moaning. My senses shut down except for the pleasure he was giving me. The rest of the night was completely a blur.

I awoke the next morning thinking it was nothing but a vivid dream. There was no one beside me, and I was fully dressed in my usual pajamas. I pulled my legs to my chest feeling worst than I ever felt. Tears that I refused to let fall collected at the corners of my eyes. I spent all my life never crying, and I felt betrayed that my mind and body wanted to shed that salty mixture. I spent the whole day in bed. I didn't bother to call work. At that moment I wanted to die. I selfishly considered doing it myself and leaving my only family member alone. How easily it could be to reach into the drawer containing my unloaded gun, grabbing a bottle of medicine from my bathroom, or even the razor?

Hours went by as I lied there under the covers debating on ending my miserable life. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to die, I'd rather do it quickly. I rolled over and faced the nightstand that held my gun. Before I could even reach for the drawer, I saw a folded piece of paper lying on top of the desk with a rose attached to it. I reached up, knowing full well that I didn't leave that there. The note was from Jounouchi informing me that he had to go to work and that once he was finished he'd come back. I remembered cradling the rose and note like it was my crying little brother. Tears rolled down my cheeks. It wasn't a dream after all.

He returned that afternoon with another vase of flowers and take out from the restaurant that was next door to his work. This blond man that I would have never thought twice about back in high school was pulling me out of my depress one step at a time. Not only did Jounouchi allow me to see the world in different colors, but he gave me the love and affection I craved. I never thought I deserved love like he gave me nor did I understand why he out of everyone in the world was the one helping me. It felt wonderful waking every morning to see a new flower and note sitting on the nightstand whenever he would wake long before I did. I found myself rescheduling my meetings and times at the office to almost match his. I would work on my reports in the early morning hours and set the meetings with my associates for the afternoon. But, no matter how fast I would make my day, Jounouchi always managed to be there waiting at the mansion with dinner on the table and new flowers every three days. To this day, the romance never became too much or got old. I started wearing the flowers on my suit every morning and found myself staring at the flowers he brought from his work. My life felt complete. I love this man and will continue to love him forever ever.

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Seto stared down at words on his document. He didn't know what made him start writing his past into a book but everything came naturally to him. He would work for hours at night on the book while Katsuya watched television. Sometimes Seto worked on the book in the same room, but other times he would move to their bedroom and typed there. He smiled as he felt two warm arms wrap around him. Seto saved his progress for the time being, shutting the computer off. He leaned back into he chair and placed his hands on Katsuya's folded arms. "How far did you get tonight?"

"I was talking about all the flowers you brought and still bring into the house." Katsuya spun the chair around and sat down on Seto's lap. "It's still early. Don't you want to watch more television?"

Katsuya smirked. "I thought about it, but this annoying commercial kept playing reminding me that I needed to buy more lubricate. Unfortunately I think we have enough for one more night."

Seto chuckled. "You don't say. Maybe I want to wait until you buy something new."

"We could wait." Katsuya moved over to the bed and pulled his shirt off. "I'll just use the rest of this tonight then." Katsuya slid the rest of this clothes off and propped himself against the headboard. He poured a small amount of the scented oil on his fingers before reaching down to his half erect member. The excitement he felt at having his lover staring at him, caused his body to warm and react. The beautiful sapphire eyes bore into him from where Seto sat. Every muscle in Seto's body stiffened. He wanted to walk over to the blond and pull him into his embrace, but he knew this was one of Katsuya's games. He felt the blood rush to his own member as he watched Katsuya running his fingers down his chest and stroking himself. Seto groaned and moved over to the bed, sitting on Katsuya's legs.

He placed his hands over Katsuya's and stared into his deep brown eyes. "Must you always tempt me."

The blond smiled softly. "Only when I know you need this as much as me." Katsuya leaned forward and ran his tongue along the side of Seto's neck before sucking on the junction between the neck and shoulder. Seto shuttered, instantly relaxing into Katsuya.

The blond flipped them around and guided his lover into the soft mattress. Seto closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Katsuya's lips against his heated flesh. Just like many times before, Katsuya slowly removed every layer of clothing Seto wore. He used his already slick fingers to stretch and prepare his lover. Seto smiled and brushed his fingers through Katsuya's messy hair. The blond eased into his lover thrusting slow at first. Seto's mind drifted through the pleasure, enjoying every motion Katsuya made.

He moaned and tightened his embrace when Katsuya pace increased, driving the blond's member directly into his prostate. Sweat collected on their bodies and they ignored everything else in the world. All that mattered was that one moment. "Kat-Katsuya," Seto mumbled feeling himself getting close.

Katsuya leaned down and kissed Seto, bringing them both over the edge. Their moans were quieted by their joined lips. Katsuya collapsed on top of Seto, pulling himself out to prevent him from hurting his lover. He continued to kissed Seto, feeling how tired he made the busy CEO. "I think you need a vacation," Katsuya mumbled, shifted until he lied beside the burnet.

Seto covered his yawn and pulled the covers over both of them. "Maybe after the merger. I should be fine as long as I have your calming affects."

Katsuya smiled. "Anything for you." The blond rolled over and glanced at the time. It was still early in the evening, but it never hurt to sleep the rest of the night away. Seto had already shut his eyes by the time he turned back around. "Good night," he whispered, deciding to sleep along with his lover.

The next morning Katsuya woke early for work. He walked to the first floor of the mansion he now called his home and to pick through the private garden he started growing in Seto's backyard. Even with the slight cold breeze of late October, Katsuya decided against walking to the greenhouse with a jacket on. He stopped at his heliotrope that were growing beautifully. He picked a few of the bunches of purple flowers and walked over to pick a single rose from his bushes. He moved to his desk and used the calligraphy pen to sign the morning letter. "The meaning of a heliotrope is eternal love and one single rose means I love you. What two better ways to express how much you mean to me. Happy birthday, my beautiful dragon," he wrote before tying the two flowers together with the note.

He returned to the room, sneaking back in. After placing the flower down on the desk he moved to the bathroom to take a shower. It had been two wonderful years since they confessed their feelings for each other. Two years that Katsuya was willing to forever repeat over and over again. He adjusted the flowers one last time on the nightstand before leaving the room. He knew that it was going to be a long day and wanted to get his usual work finished in order to arrange the surprise party for Seto. He took one last look at his lover's peacefully sleeping face before closing the door quietly and starting his day.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I know that this story is written different from my other ones, but I was inspired to write a journal like story that leads into the reason story. I hope I didn't confuse anyone. Let me know what you think. Maybe I'll write another oneshot like this if you guys liked it. Thank you all for reading.

Angel Dov


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